Easter, in a time of Coronavirus

I am Celebrating in Isolation!

Until last month, I had been suffering from a major and drawn out ‘episode’ of severe depression.
Episode seems too short a descriptive. It was like a box set, that just went on and on and on, with each season bringing absolutely no change and nothing new.

Consequently, celebrating has not been on the agenda, however much a small voice inside has begged and pleaded to know why the indefinable ‘magic’ of the universe and being alive, just wasn’t there anymore for me.

Persuading myself to go outside in spring/summer?
No enjoyment of seasons at all.
Finished a gruelling task? Emotionally … nothing, zip. No satisfaction whatsoever.
Birthdays? Nothing. Apart from more disappointment that I am older still, and still ill.
Easter? I did not even notice it last year – did it happen?
Christmas? For two years, it just didn’t come ‘feeling-wise’ for me.
Btw I actually really love Christmas, and am normally a person who feels the ‘magic’ building from Autumn on. I love the songs, movies, wrapping presents, trees and foliage, and all the decorations!

My spirits lifted quite quickly at the end of February, and I have been tentatively stepping forward since then. Trying to make progress, but not too fast. Fast is dangerous for me, as I can swing from depressed to manic, which then becomes very intense for everyone else.

Easter 2020

This weekend has been a bit of marker in my recovery. The follow events are the big milestones that happened.

  1. On Good Friday, I handed over my rental property to new tenants and that has gone very smoothly so far. They seem lovely, and also capable.
  2. In the last week, I have been slowly reconnecting with the friends from whom I have basically been ‘distancing’ myself from since I fell ill. We had a group Zoom call on Saturday, which was really fun, and has also left me with a kind of warm fuzzy feeling that is still present. I think its called ‘re-connection’!
  3. On Easter Sunday, I spent a few hours being ‘crafty’. Painting eggs for an Easter tree is something my sister and I used to do as kids, and only occasionally since. It has been ‘work’, but overall incredibly satisfying as its creative, produces an end result, sense of achievement and also is very festive. My home feels cosy, loved, and very Easter-y.

I am not sure of my plans for Easter Monday, but, I can guarantee I will be Staying at Home. Probably taking it easy and pottering around the house and garden. Watching a bit of TV or a film maybe. Or reading stuff on WordPress, and (a limited amount of) scrolling on social media.

All I can say, again, is how incredibly grateful I am for everything.
All the above events, my friends, my family, my houses, my cat, the technology that connects people at this strange time, and of course my returning health.

My heart feels very full of love and happiness this Easter. I would like to ‘beam’ this love out to everyone I know and anyone reading, especially those that may be in need of it!

T.G.L

(the Grateful Landlady)

Changes, and New Starts

Well here I am, on WordPress.

Who would’ve thought it?
Mind you, who would’ve thought the majority of the world would be in Lockdown, for fear of a tiny but terrible virus, namely the new coronavirus?

Discipline is not my forte, so this blog will be somewhat of a personal challenge.
We will see how it goes over time..

‘Hello there & Hi’!

I’m new to blogging, and I’m a Landlady, but not new to that, more of a seasoned amateur.

I’m very grateful too… for lots of things, or at least certainly trying very hard to be. It’s not always easy. However, something about a global pandemic makes you appreciate life and what you have in a different way.

This is also the start of some kind of new phase for me and I will explain why below, but first I’d like to share a favourite saying used by my Oma (German grandmother) in times of difficulty or despair with ‘the now’:

‘Tomorrow is the start of the next hundred years’

My Journey so far

About two years ago I was sort of on the cusp of what would end up being a total breakdown. I had just come back from a month travelling in South America, and to say I was struggling to adjust to being back home would be an understatement.
I was exhausted, felt disorientated in my own home to the extent that I couldn’t find a tea bag, and scared of many things – the fire alarm going off, the fridge breaking down, the house getting broken into whilst I slept, but above all, scared of leaving the house. A classic sign that the dreaded slide into anxiety and depression (which I was already very familiar with) was beginning.
I struggled on for a couple of months with enormous effort, which included having to get some renovation work done on a rental property that was between tenants, but above all just keeping my head above water.

And then, at the end of May 2018, the tenant moved in, my job was done, and I surrendered. I couldn’t return to the day job I had before my trip abroad – I wasn’t fit to work, and I wasn’t sure it would be good for me to go back anyway.
I needed a total break. Time to re-coup and re-assess.

I didn’t know at that point, but as it so often is, the anxiety and depression were in effect the start of a total nervous breakdown. The downwards spiral was fairly rapid, and within another month, I didn’t feel like myself anymore, I couldn’t even remember what myself felt like.
What followed was almost two years of disconnection from the real world. Sometimes life was very dark, sometimes just bleak, but all of the time – depressed, sedentary, uncommunicative, lost and without hope.

Moving On…

About a month or so ago, in February 2020, things started to shift.
Finally, little improvements to my daily life were possible again. More importantly, I started to feel more like ‘me’, and the combined sense of tremendous relief together with increasing positivity and hope has blossomed since then, just like the cherry tree in my garden, and the pear in my rental property.
A very long winter has come to a close and spring has finally arrived!

Thank you for reading… next post coming soon!

T.G.L

(the Grateful Landlady)